I know I've written about perceptions in one form or another before, but I have to reiterate how continually perception in all its forms fascinates and frustrates me. At least when it comes to one's immediate company, or people at large, perceptions seems almost uncontrollable. And yet at the same time, those same perceptions can be altered by a mere seemingly insignificant change in one's behavior and speech. Human opinion seems a chaotic paradox and a cruel master that one either sacrifices to in order to appease, or blasphemes by way of self-induced excommunication.
Just as a curious example, take me. I have many roles that play out through the perception of others. These roles, unlike masks of false self, are various sides of me that play out in varying circumstances. In a way I am able to control how I am seen based on my company and respective behavior, and yet regardless, people will see me as they wish, through the lens of their own world view. I have heard many descriptions of me from many different sources and I am fascinated by the diversity of opinions.
By fellow Christians, I am often seen as a boat-rocking, semi-worldly, rough-around-the-edges firebrand. By non-Christians, I am seen as a meek, innocent choir boy sort of fellow.
By those hostile to me, I am seen as serious and boring, or sometimes incisive. By those good natured acquaintances and friends I am comfortable with, I am the cavalier, roguish jokester.
And yet those who know me best, at my innermost, know me to be a conflicted thinker; I am a chaotic ball of yarn, wound so that every edge sees the next and grips at it relentlessly. I have a heart three times too big, and on the cusp of destroying itself at any moment.
The role I take may depend on a group setting at times. If there is a role needed, and I am able, I will take it up. If the group has no moral center, I will oblige. If the group has no scoundrels, this too I can present.
How you see me may depend on how I see you. And the degree of what you see depends on you. Know that they are all true; one does not contradict the next. I am a mirror that responds to what I see.
